So many many people seem to be going through spiritual spontaneous awakenings I thought I would share my own experience. Trusting that someone somewhere will find this helpful to them.

Way back in 2007 I started what can only be described as the most hellish phase of my then crappy life that I had ever been through. I had solderied on through the hardships, got angry, got depressed and marched the martyr march right on into the next set of challenges that presented themselves, to me. Nothing or no one would break me, ever, well unless I was in a suicidal phase when I wished for death constantly, any death. As young as age 9 I would imagine how I could die, being stabbed, being hit by a car, strangulation any old way would do just fine. Just so long as I could leave planet Earth behind, actually I loved the wild moors I lived on just the people I couldn't tolerate. So for 40 years I marched my soldier solidarity march, took to drink, drugs, food, smoking, all theses things to plaster my unhealed wounds. Became anti authority (in truth I still am!!) and blamed the system and all the bast***s I had met for my life, and worldly woes.

So around comes the proverbial nearly age 40 syndrome and when you think life and loathing really can not get any worse along comes the sledge hammer to the back of the head so to speak and down you go with a most horiffic and terrifying experience life had brought me so far. (When I look back on this I actually had a milder awakening back in my 20's) I went completely insane. I was sore all over my body like constant flu symptoms minus the flu, had migraines, depressed deeply, saw things you wouldn't think existed, dead people were common seeings, heard voices, was hot /cold, tired /restless, in truth I did not really know what I was. Rage, anger ,irritability were common companions. I went to the Dr as you do, ' You are having a psychotic break, and depression. Take these pills, and get some rest.' Was the advise, as if any other advice would be offered. I asked to be hospitalised for my own safety, and was told no it wasn't possible as iIwas only a danger to myself. Just take the pills, I knew I was not going through depression as depression had been a companion for many many years, this was something much more scary, I was very very afraid. I was very very angry. I was seeing things that did not look good, the dead were scary enough, I became too afraid to sleep, so stressed I couldn't eat, I went down from 13 stone to 6 and half in a few months. This was the most vulnerable I have ever been in my whole life.

This went on and on for month after month totally insanity in my mind, body, soul and spirit. Nearly two years I was like this without any let up. I wasn't on a spiritual path, at the time and did not know what a guide was, never thought of energy going up and down the body, or spine or into the ground or anywhere for that matter. A neighbour and friend of mine was a medium and she introduced me to the idea of guides we could talk to. We were both going through this horrible experience together she in a very similar state to myself, and she told me how she had been so desperate for help she was down on her knees in the local river grabbing up handfuls of stones saying please god someone help me, when I appeared. Hahahaha misery and madness love company maybe. Anyway we researched the symptoms along with the symbols I was seeing in the trees on a regular basis. The creator/universes way of speaking to me.  Creator/universe/god/goddess/divine speaks to us in symbolic sight and metaphor a way of getting our attention.  I also had the often seen by people repeating numbers of 11:11.  (It can be any series of numbers 444 555 888 etc etc). The symptoms came up as Kundalini awakening ( a potential force that once awakened can produce a variety of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual effects. ) There are many labels spontaneous spirtiual awakening, ascension, dark night of the soul, the awakening can come under however the label matters not, its more how can we deal with this sudden awkening we have been pushed into by our true spiritual selves, maybe like myself, we just have not been listening closely enough and had to have the shove to wake up, to being more than living a pointless human life. In absolute truth this had to happen to me, I was so strong and stubborn nothing was going to get to me, through my layers and layers of armour. Now I am many years down the line and have a better understanding of what happened and maybe why. All that self made armour has had to be taken off, piece by piece. To surrender to my spiritual self was required. I have come a long way from then and sometimes it seems I am still there when the same happens again, to lesser degrees. Over the past 8 years I have through my own experiences helped others come through this traumatic time. It does take patience, as we release what is not serving our true spiritual selves. I now know also that a shock or crisis can trigger the awakening and I had met someone who reminded me of my very dear freind who had died 11 years prior. I had never grieved his loss, or acknowledged how much he meant to me. To suddenly have the grieff hit me awakened me to all the stuff I had stored in my energetic cupboards (the chakras in our bodies) that now and right now burst the doors wide open as no more would fit in and the doors would not be squeezed shut again ever; all at once 40 years of shit had to be cleaned up sorted out and released from me, mind body and spirit, willingly. I was no longer strong, I was broken, smashed to nothing, a quivvering wreck, open, raw and very vulnerable.

There is much information on spiritual awakening crisis and the symptoms vary from person to person, I would advise always having the Drs check you over as well.

As energy can race through our bodies we can experience tingling, restless legs, migraines/headaches, hot or cold extremes, heart palpitations, heat in hands and feet, pain in the charkra points, (the body has 7 main charka points running up the spine that are often blocked and can cause extreme pain in the back). Changes in eating, changes in sleeping patterns, brain fog, confusion, irritability, anger, rage, despair, feeling energy moving in the body, tingling at the top of the head, feeling we have insects crawling all over us. An emotional rollecoaster ride. Old stored thoughts and patterns can and do often come to the surface ready for us to look at acknowledge deal with and release. Feeling life is out of control and you are a total mess. Losing your mind, seeing things out the corner of your eye, seeing the dead, hearing voices, being able to comunicate with animals, plants, trees. The list goes on and on, and each person will have an individual experience as it is what they need to release. In our time of being open we have to be very aware of what energies we invite in to help us, if we have used alcohol and drugs to escape at any time in life we could have opened ourselves up to an entity moving into our energy field/aura or our actual physical body. A spiritual awakening is spiritual growth, cleansing and purification; freeing us to be all we can be, a heart opening and a connection of spiritual expansion with the divine creator, learning to listen to our inner tuitition/ intuition. A moving away from the ego self and fear into the heart of oneness. Having a look a t Bach's flower remedies Rock Rose is excellent for fear, or Rescue Remedy.

So onto ways to help oursleves through this, understanding it is a big start. There is no particular age that this happens, I have worked with younger people in their teens, to early 20's to older, 40's and 50's.  Spending time in nature, rests and recuperates us. If you are reading this and are worried please use the contact form on my website and contact me. I offer a mentoring service as well as shamanic healing. I have been trough this a few times.Please do be aware that easy and simple methods are better than taking on too much advice that is long and complicated, I find people often want to over analysise everything and this can lead to energy being trapped in our heads. Methods I have found useful are;-

Grounding, seeing ourselves as a tree with deep roots connecting with Mother Earth the iron core crystal at her centre.

Sitting in Nature outside with a real tree asking for help telepathically.

Using an energetic protection shield, an egg shaped orb around ourselfs, a foot above the head and a foot below the feet, keeping us secure inside, and unwanted energies out.

Asking for help and guidance from healing helping loving and compassionate guides, making sure you always say healing helping compassionate and loving guides /gaurdians; as there are false light beings out there waiting for the vulnerable and can and do cause even more distress to us, lead us up the garden by giving us false and misleading information and guidance.

Have some sage or incense, and clean our homes and bodies with it.

Cleansing rituals, use nice smelling relaxing aromatherapy oils or salt.

I also recommend being very kind to our new selves that are emeging, like a new born kitten or puppy we would treat them very gently, something we should do for ourselves too.

Breathing execrcises help too, sit in a quiet space, and follow our breath as we breathe in and out, allow thoughts to come up and go and continue breathing in and out of our stomach area, this connects us to our heart energy field and love.

 Learning to self love and appreciate our good qualities is I found the most difficult challenge. Looking and noticing things in our lives we are grateful for.

Allowing the energy to run where it needs to go. I would apply caution to reiki treatments as sometimes more energy going into the body is not always helpful. I again advise caution for any more energy of any healing methods being further placed into the body without being able to ground them properly.

Yoga or dance, ti chi or chi qong, time in nature is most valuable go with gentle movements, gentle walks.

Even though you seem to be in toatal hell and possessed. (if you think you are possessed please seek help, I do sacred spirit transition/depossession work also). Nothing lasts forever and this process will end even if it feels like it won't. At the end of the tunnel the light.  Along with the peace and love we are seeking is waiting for us to come through, as the only way is through there is no turning back. We are so much more than we realise, and love is the answer always. Please do contact me if you feel you need a healing session or mentoring through this, it does help immensly knowing someone else understands this. I will also make you aware here there is no quick fixes or magic wands, you will be required to lots of work, that can be really painful on many levels, again this is the stuff we need to release that is holding us back from living the life we deserve to live. Much peace, love and laughter, life is like a spiral, and you can revisit the stuff again and again until it is all done with and, we have let it go, surrendered our seperateness.

Within the light is the darkness,  within the darkness is the light,  as above so below, and as within so without. 

** Due to people contacting me about this, can I remind people if you are considering contacting me, I will come from a shamanic perspective, thats what I have trained in, if shamanism is to wacky and weird for you please contact your own GP or Church, I can not come from a christian perspective, as I have no knowledge of that; can I also ask for respect from those contacting me as I am not responsible for what is happening to you.  I no longer offer free healing services. I can place your name on my altar with your intention for free.  I will respond to your email when I recieve them for free, but not unlimited questioning.  Thank you for understanding this.  


The Rear Window View.
I live along the canal and have an amazing hedge between the canal path and my garden.  This hedge is full of wonders for me, perhaps its simplicity others don't understand.  I have never been able to go for long periods of 5 minutes in meditation with my eyes shut, a fact i hear is common for many, even buddhists monks I am told, a very happy to hear.  I sit on my bed looking out into the hedge at my back garden, watching the birds, the little fire crest wren in the pine tree, the other wren darts from tree to bush to hedge.  Sometimes shouting warnings loudly about the cat being in the garden, often this cry is taken up by the every noisy crows and magpies, who then all hop along through the hawthorne and elder to find the intruder, who in reality is no intruder she lives here.  I love the way the sparrows become boisterious and loud over the seeds hanging out on the washing lines.  The song of the blackbirds always helps peace return and to me is pure nectar of the ears, there is no sound in the world as beautiful as birdsong.  You can close your eyes and drift along to the melody of the song gifted us from the creator.  Add to that the sweet scent of the Elder flowers and the flowers of the privet hedge, life becomes truly wonderous, I can then feel the deep seated peace within my heart, mind and soul.  All this without the mind jumping all over the place.  I watch the breeze play through the sycamore tree, I am exhiarated by the winds power blowing the tres around along with being amused at the way the Giant wood pidgeons cling on.  The peace and beauty of a small piece of land that I am every grateful for the view of.  As I write this it is another grey wet day in Scotland and i can hear the gentle cheeping of the sparrows still hiding in the hedge sheltering from the recent rain.  Wishing everyone the deep peace i have from looking out my bedroom window, I feel the world needs more of this.

Why should I pay for healing work?

This is a question I hear ,thrown, in some cases at me quite often. Healing should be free. Well when we are healing and doing our own spiritual work it is. Sometimes we hand it over to someone who has trained in a particular area, like myself for shamanic methods of healing like power retrieval, soul retrieval, extraction, depossession to name some. I paid well in the many thousands for my training to be a shamanic practitioner and then paid to be a shamanic teacher. I accepted this, I also paid to be a Breathwork practitioner again thousands although I have never had a client for this and again likewise with Reiki. If I want my hair cut I pay a hairdresser, a good hairdresser is vital to most people. If I want a massage I pay for a qualified person to give me a massage. Or we can have an energy exchange; and swap therapies. I find that people often do not follow through on honouring their end of the exchange, is 2 days teaching for free where I also provide heat, food and teas acceptable? Is coming along for one or many healing sessions with nothing in exchange really acceptable? Does it honour a persons work?

Why would you not want to pay in some way for this work, I ask that energy is exchanged, so if I teach you for 10 hours of my time I would expect 10 hours of your time in some way. Only far I think. So why do so many people complain about paying for healing? Healing the trauma and the hurts, wounds, grieff and abuses of the past. Regaining our vital life force essence in a power or soul retrieval. I often think well is it really necessary for you to pay £70 for your hair cut, or £25 for your eyebrows to be plucked, or however much for the leg wax. These seem to be willingly paid for so we look good on the outside yet are crying and hurt on the inside but that should be free, seems to be the opiion of many. How about the fact I also pay the shamans I work with in money, they then share this much needed resource out amongst their communities. The poverty that is relieved slightly with my fee that I charge you, that a Naitve American Medicine Person takes into their community when I repectfully pay them for their teachings and healings and helps feed them. Likewise with the Peruvian shamans of the Andes and the Amazon jungle I have respectfully paid. The Nepalese people who had thousands stolen from them via charities when they were hit with the Earthquake in 2015, gratefully recieve the money i pay in return for visiting the shaman for healing, and teaching. The young girls who are finaced to go to school via my fee instead of ending up in the sex trade industry. The women from Uganda who are in poverty desperately needing the finances I sent to help empower themselves out of the poverty. A favorite charity of mine I donate to often is Free the Bears, this woman does amazing work for these beautiful creatures and needs to be able to feed and shelter them, rehabilitate and nurture them; along with the vet bills who do not do it for free. A few things to ponder over when we question the fee we are paying for healing work, we rightly want to look fabulous on the outside, so why do we not want to feel just as fabulous on the inside to. Until we losen our grip on money and are willing to go back to trading with each other then I have to have an energy exchange for my time, this is normally a fee. I understand also that there are people over charging and won't do any healing work for nothing, that is something they have to look at themselves as to why they are doing that, I can not speak for other people I am only responsible for myself.

I learned a hard lesson with charging people as I used to also think healing work should be free, until I became seriously ill twice in 3 years and heard nothing form any of the people who I had given 1, 2 or many free shamanic sessions to and some of these people had quite a few free sessions from me. I never recieved anything back from them in my time of need; no phone calls, no texts no emails definately no offer of shamanic healing; sadly they went on to the next person who could give them a free session. Lessons learned I'm not angry or upset at them they taught me a valuable lesson in honouring myself fully and always have a fair exchange of energy. I am always happy to put names on my altar for free and I give lots of advice and help to people for nothing when I could refer them to my mentoring service, its as always about balance, self love and self respect.  We in truth all have bills to pay one way or another or have to feed ourselves, I hope someday soon we can all see the material world of cherishing money above all else for what it is, money in truth is just energy and it depends how important it is in each of our lives.  


As the world turmoil continues to rise up the taste of hatred is very prominant to me. As we celebrated Imbolc and the returning of the light I was made very aware of the cycle of domestic abuse, that is prominent here in the Scottish culture, in truth the all over the world. With irony it seems to be almost romanticised, "Ahhhhh he's a good man really, until he has a drink etc."!!!!! Unfortunately 'until he has a drink, etc' has become all to common where women help women to mask bruises, with clever make up; and the old story of I walked into a door, I tripped over the cat/dog. Where children go without food unless someone else provides the food, normally another family member. So during my Wisdom Of Words workshop at the weekend this subject appeared and the question asked was "Does the person supplying the food, clothes, money etc enable the abuse?" A very good question, do they indeed? Having this as part of my heritage and also I feel very passionate about healing this cultural wound of what has become accepted as being a man in Scotland to stagger about drunk after spending all the family's money. And for women to be expert at lying about what bruises they wear and allow through fear and confusion to be blamed for someone elses behaviour. Generation after generation these deep deep seated wounds are being continued, there is nothing romantic or loving about lying in your bed as a child to scared to move because your Dad is battering your Mum, or in some cases vice a verca. Not a thing romantic about living in terror of putting a foot wrong or be so afraid you think you are going to die at the hands of the person who claims to love you!! Where is there there anything but control for the rape that continues for many. There is nothing great about constantly worrying about feeding or clothing your children,to  frightened to ask for money from anyone as you will be blamed for losing the houshold money, nothing loving about having to admit you caused the black eye you wear because you spoke up, or out of turn or the many many excuses that people in the abusive role dole out to make their behaviour acceptable and manageable in their own eyes, it is everyone else's fault of course. The victim has most likely been a childhood witness to this pattern that is then imprinted upon themselves. So having been witness to this cycle of abuse in many ways myself, it was also one of the main reasons people came along to me when I was mentoring, I hear it often in my shamanic healing sessions, so what should a person do? Feed and clothe the children or leave them all to it? I have heard this story over and over and over, and in truth if someone doesn't feed or clothe the children then they go without. If someone is not there to take even a small pressure away there is no pleasures just never ending turmoil, fear and confusion. As your mind tells you one story of what your ears hear, and you are told no thats not correct and you better believe it by the family bully. This blog could be seen as me having a go at the abuser so far, however I am aware that the abuser also has a very good reason as to why they can not cope with their own fear, hate and pain, they too have been a victim somewhere, most likely another child witness to the abuse of their parents and the wound that is tearing them apart inside is too painful to deal with along with the imprinted learned behaviours, so they drink, take drugs, gamble, play computer games any thing to escape what is going on inside of themselves. This is why I would so dearly love to see this huge gaping wound healed in our culture, because it is unacceptable to carry this pattern on for anyone in this cycle. I dream that as each of us awaken we share our love far and wide, heal our selves, take responsibility for our reactions and actions, none of us are perfect. Walking the shamanic path is of great benefit to empower our selves away from this continual cycle, where everyone who wants to can empower themselves, to allow themselves the time for the pain to dissolve, the wounds to heal peace of mind body and spirit can be had if a person wants it. This is the true story that we want to hear. With spring in the air and a new years dream dare to breathe deeply into to our hearts, dream bigger of the freedom that can be had, as we allow the divine feminine her rightful place again in our lives.  With peace and grace may we walk in beauty.heartdevilheart

So another new year is here ready with all the many many new years resolutions that go along with it.  Not only is this another new year it is a new beggining as in numerology we are at 1 year.  The time is now ripe for creating our new bright shiny futures and lord only knows, along with the rest of humanity when we really stop and think about it, we need a new dream.  lets be brave and go all out this time around and go for gold, why gold?  Well why not?  As one of my teachers says often that when we are creating our new lives we should go for gold, that is what we are worth, why sell ourselves short, Olympic athelites do not set out to win only a bronze medal!! They train and go for gold.  I feel refreshed and positive for this new year along with the next nine year cycle, so if you are reading this, get ready for new energy and create a vision board of what you want to have in your dream life.  Be honest here as you sit with your pens, crayons and paper and pencils.  You want health ask for full health, you want love ask for love and start feeling how that health and love or  finacial abundance feels.  The more we focus and have positive intentions, the more we will attract these into our lives.  If we don't want to be ill we have to change our focus and thoughts, stop saying we are ill, tired, skint etc etc, you know what I mean imagine the poor tired little hamseter that has kept these wheels of thoughts running, give her a rest, better still retire her.  Think of the simple things in life that fill us with gratitude.  I remember a few years back when i was still volunteering full time and I had wanted to meet the shamans in Peru, I had no job, and never thought i would really get to do the spiritual trip of a life time.  I put it on a vision board, and to this day I have no idea how the diddly doo dahs I managed it, but manage it I did, and a few months later I was in Peru with the Peruvian shamans of very gentle angelica beauty, Don Angelino and Don Alberto.  Take a moment to breathe into your hearts  what is it you desire and focus on all the positive things in life you can have, no excuses are allowed, just get it down on paper and watch the power of the universe unfold.  Remember this does work both ways if you dont want it dont ask for it, keep the negative thoughts away by replacing them with the positive.  Dream Big, I am now dreaming of being in Nepal on another spiritual trip of a life time in September with other amazing Shamans from the area.  The excitment is high as I know this is more than a dream I know I will be there.  Lets all dream big and see our precious Mother Earth restored to her full beauty as well.  The collective concsiousness is shifting and people are waking up, lets all do this in peace and harmony.  Wishing everyone a beautiful unfolding of love peace, abundance and happiness.


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Bluebird Dreamweaver

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