POST NEPAL,  Shamanic pilgrimmage 2018 - TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY HEALTH.
So here I am a long waiting blog in the making, so my long term chronic fatigue or whatever the hell I have, still no diagnosis from the Drs, 8 or so blood tests later and 4 years pondering: meanwhile I have spent 2 of those years exhausted and bearly functioning.  Thankful my visits with the Nepalese Shamans last year started my recovery.  This year a deeper recovery is what I'm aiming for, to be able to participate and enjoy life, with vibrant energy; this has been my intention.  To remove the auto immune stuff, stuff I say not lightly either, hahaha, chronic arthritis, chronic psorasis that creates the psoratic arthritis, hepatitis and plantar fascititis, all this inflamation is seriously dodgy I have just read in a chinese tonic book.  So since coming back from Nepal I have been down and mildly depressed, perhaps the age is the reason after all the proverbial 50 looming around the corner, I despair gloomly to myself, so another 30 years of this, chuck in the 15 hot flashes every night and in a nutshell, that is not golden and rosy for sure this is my day to day routine.  Come along buck yourself up me dear attitude of myself is not helping, as many people who have these conditions will redily understand what I mean.  Buck myself up is indeed what I need, wondering what herbs I can take that I have available.  ( I studied herbalism and have a huge love of and respect for our beautiful plants)  In the back of the cupboard on the top shelf as always being 4 foot and a few tatties dragging a chair along with me is the norm to reach my cupboards.  That ahhhhh thank the lord moment when shining like lost gold the tincture bottle of St Johns wort is still there and in date.  I scan through some more of my herbal books and the page accidentaly??!! falls open on the Jet Lag section, so with interest I read all about the jet lag, much more than just adjusting to the time difference again as i originally thought.  Well there you have it, depression, exhaustion, headache, apathy.  As I duly self medicate and book another GP appointment to sort out the rest of my ailments; shutting my eyes with a grimace and a sneer of dislike I take a deep breath, I really do not like DR's waiting rooms.  As I breath back out, i am fully aware that we are seriously in an age where we are going to have to take full responsibility for our health.  The NHS is crumbling, being sold off out the back door to private so called health companies, who in my humble opinion; agree with the conspiracy theories it has little to do with health and a lot to do with pounds, shillings and pence, add to the mix the dollars.  Now that is cynical and for a spiritual person too, lordy, quickly in with the love and light.
So with our health where it is, and mine where it is, I really do believe I now have to fully accept the responsibility for what I put in my mouth ( and what comes out of it wink wink hahaha! For those who do not know me I can be a little too honest!)  Am I nourishing my body, mind, spirit, and soul with my foods?  Am I overworking, people pleasing and again depleting my own health by doing so.  This has been my pattern of self abuse, along with the drink of 14 years ago, the drugs of 27 years ago and the smoking of 6 years ago. We are more than encourged to put everyone else first in the Western world, maybe that should be second to the chronic materialism we are surrounded by. A few shamanic soul or and power retrievals needed to fill that vast empty hole we cram with materalistic stuff.  Or and extraction or so to remove that habit of hoarding that stuff. We deplete our inner light our vital life force each time we overwork and undernourish ourselves. Once we know this we can change it.
So from my amazing shamanic spiritual trip in Nepal I have the ever welcome advice from the Shamans to embrace and have a fair few rituals I have to do to encourage vibrant radient health, to remove the planetary obstacles and to bring back into balance my emotions.  Simple rituals do not mean ineffective, they are deep and profound and I am truly grateful for the information, from the young shaman who embodied Kali, along with Ama one of the 13 indigenous gramdmothers, and as ever my teacher and mentor Bhola  Banstola.  He is here in Scotland in June for further details look at the website page workshops.  I have taken my time to slowly recover my spirits as it is long term and as always with shamanic advice many layered and we have to be active in our own healing, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I had such an amazing experience up in the village of Nagacot doing heartfelt releasing cermonies beside the river, and then inviting in the new.  The air was fresh and pure the water chill and refreshing on my bare feet.  The walk back up through the pine woods was rejuvinating, I even managed to spy a tiny little flyagaric mushroon hidden in a tiny little fairy cave.  I was taking my time as it was steep and my feet suprisingly were very good in Nepal. ( Now why is that I could walk lots in Nepal without the plantar facsititis hurting? ).  One of the big excitement about the village for us western tourists, was the fact that a tiger had walked through the village a week before we were there.  How astonishing, you kind of want to see the tiger, but then again not really be too close.  Again this year watching the local Shamans prepare was fantastic, each of the shamans have a day job as is the norm too, a chef, a taxi driver and an antiques dealer, as ever important to have our days job too.
Sadly I could not come to grips with my phone camera so am awaiting photos i can share from others.  I stayed away from Facebook emails and computers all the trip to imerse myself fully into the experience.  From the first day I was bitten on my big toe and it itched and itched and itched, then it swelled up and itched some more.  Thankfully the first Shaman visit was a few days later, Bhola duly explained about the bite to the Shaman and showed my psorasis and I had the itch removed, amazing no more anti-hystamines that were not really working and better still no more scratching.  The next night I was again bitten. WTF, seriously.  Again the itching and swelling, on and on.  Things only got worse from there my bites were swelling to the size of about 8 inches across.  Then I had tiny little bumps, I was dutifully showing my bites to Bhola who when we got to the Shaman who embodied Kali he showed my bites again.  By the time we got to Ama, one of the 13 indigenous grandmothers, Bhola said to me its ok I will tell her what you need, hahahaha.  He took charge like a dad much to everyones amusement, as they had got to ask their own questions.  Later on he told me that the itching was coming from inside, stuff being released via my skin as well as the bites.  May I have the grace to release my irritations freely.  Since I have been home no more itches, the oil and shiva ash given me and empowered by Ama no doubt sorted that out.  A blessed relief for sure.  Now for the chronic inflammation to be steadily and slowly sorted out, and for a new tip top working immune system.  A good lesson for us all when dealing with many different health issues to take what is the most important and start there. I leave you with this beautiful quote about the heart.
" The Heart is the Supreme Master of the organs and is the home of the Spirit.  If the Master is brilliant, his subjects are peaceful.  If the Master is disturbed his twelve officials (the bodies organs) are endangered."
 
 
Asking Permission for sending healing.
So as I'm scrolling through my morning facebook check to see if I have any messages, one of the topics that catches my eye, is a question that I often hear, "Can I/You/We send healing to a person without their permission?"  A great question and I suppose the answer will depend upon our individual perspective and our trainings and what our teachers of holistic health taught us.  In my opinion though it is always NO, absolutly do not send anyone distant healing without their permission.  Please ask it is after all only manners.
But we can go through their higher selves, or their guides, or the universe and they won't accept it if it isn't for them, so why not just ask them?  This to me is superior thinking, of I know better than the individual person does.  If a person does not want healing they do not want healing, regardless of all our combined individual trainings.  Its a little like telling someone they should have a vodka when they don't want one. Smoke that cigarette it won't harm you.  Just a little bit of crack cocaine is good for you, try it.  "Belive you me wink, wink, I Know Best"  is the loud statement being made.  I also think with my shamanic, herbalist, reiki, mentoring training background that if you are sitting with this idea I know they need the healing they don't want to recieve, then you are power stealing, this is controling behaviour, that in truth you should take a look at long and hard.  Who made you judge and jury and God?  Why do we have to think we know what is best for a person.
We would be better asking our own guides what we can do to help, if its appropriate to help.  If we use the shamanic journey methods and someone is in a coma ask our guides how we help, only if a family member, husband, etc has asked us personaly to ask our guides.   Its understandable that we want immediate healing for our loved ones, our husband, child, partner wife, cat, bird, dog fish or plant, the list goes on.  But a quick facebook post and 20-150 people suddenly thinking they all know whats best via the higher self and the guides because the person said NO thanks, I don't want healing, if they were even asked that is,  so whooooooing along the magic  reiki fingers energy, or the shamanic extractions, power retrieval, soul retrieval and depossessions, in truth can send a person into harm and crisis rather than healing.  This has happened to me when I had my name put as a prayer for healing onto to a sweatlodge fire without my consent.  I was extremly ill and made much worse as around 20 people echoed back healing for Maggie.  I thought my kidney was going to explode, I was left in total agony for months, nearly a year in truth; until I went to Nepal and had a Shaman remove and heal what ever was needed. where was the healing in this so called prayer?  Granted this would not be what the people who echoed back a prayer of healing, wanted for me, at least I hope they only wanted my full health recovery; or was it more sinister really!!??  Hahahaa a person could get paranoid with the breach of free will. I actually felt more cursed than healed. Anyways in my pain I had to find the finaces to get to Nepal, would the person who disregarded my free will, like to pay me for that please. No I thought not.  Yet still no-one had actually asked me if i needed or wanted a prayer for healing, just took matters into their own hands.  This was and is rude and seriously disrespectful, where does a persons free will come into it.  I feel that its breaching a persons free choice, boundaries and free will. It is almost as if our sociopathic society has lost all morals as we blindly think we know what the person needs, what is best for each person.  In truth maybe we do know what is best and our guides know what is best, but only ego would be the one to overide the individuals choice. So does everyone elses guides think they  know best. Think about a time we have asked for advice with something that has bothered us, and each person we ask gives us a different opinion, imagine that on a healing level, enough to make my head spin more than the girl in the excorcist.
I know of a young girl of 15 who ended up in a psychiatric ward because she had too much energy running through her body, because she was given reiki healing.  I know of people who write up reiki programmes that seriously harm people and their physical, mental, spiritual, emotional well being, because they know best; or think they do and act without simple manners of asking permission, the moral disregard for an individual.  This is not love, or respect or even healing for a persons well being it is ego at best and black magic on the other end of the scale.  I had the young persons permission to work on her distantly and bring much needed grounding and practical advice to her, she did not have to spend to long in the ward.  I have worked with my guides for a person in a coma, and with the persons permission talked to them and given soul retrieval and advice that if they go any further they will not come back, meaning they will leave their body permanently by dying.  I was asked by a family member to give healing, I still had to journey and with my guides ask the person in the comas permission.  I have worked with babies to balance energy, I ask their permission, I work with animals again I ask their permission. I work with plants I ask their permission. I only get a big NO from my own cat, and I respect her for that even if I don't agree!! Hahahaha, I still respect her wisdom.  I do not go above her to her higher self, and her guides and the universe, or anything else, a little rainbow cloud with a golden light and a trumpet of arch angels, you need this healing! still she said NO. And No means No.  Respect this.
So again please think before we automatically send healing to someone without their permission....that does include putting their names on our altars, shrines, fire, firewalks, .. and yes I can already hear the but what about a child or coma person, or and or and or........... ask the person for permission please.  Thank you for reading. May our days be filled with joy and respect. www.bluebird-dreamweaver.co.uk
 
CORE SHAMANISM -- WHERE TO START.
 
Well here I am supposedly doing my meditation practise to start up my day when I decided I would just check my emails and facebook first.  Very silly idea as an hour later here I am writing this.  So I got to reading comments about Core Shamanism, and how really hollow and new age and fake it all is.  This is quite upsetting as I have spent the last 10 years following that route, yet I have to admit there is truth in this also.  There are many many people out there just not caring about people, its all about the money.  So having also spent  somewhere along the lines of 20 thousand pounds for my training to be a shamanic practitioer and then shamanic teacher in Core Shamanism; I have been questioning very deeply, have I been ripped off?  Has my life changed really as a result of shamanism,  have I through my shamanic techniques helped anyone, (the testimonials on my website are real ones not made up by me to sell me; they say things have changed for them individually).  What can I say really people are intitled to their opinions.  Yet the truth of 'their is no protection' being shown people when they first start journeying is true , I speak about this often in my training of shamanism, (core shamanism that is by Sandra Ingerman that is ; mayhaps I want to call it something else).  When asked about protection the repeated phrase I heard given back to people was " if you fill with love and light nothing will harm you."  What love?  how can a person really honestly fill with love if they have never known love, its an alien concept straight away.  What light, stand under the electric lights?  I now have safety measures in, and repeatedly state them to people, then it is their choice to use it, when on thier own.  So within the shamanic practitioner training (again Core shamanism as by Sandra Ingerman) we work on where we dislike or outright hate ourselves. To be able to bring love and light into ourselves.  Fluffy maybe, but in my humble opinion we have to start loving or at least liking and respecting ourselves somewhere. I always have a chuckle to myself when people only want to learn the shamanic healing methods don't really want any healing on themselves unless for free of course, don't want to pay that amount but don't mind charging that amount, and no siree don't need to learn how to speak to people by doing wisdom of words, just teach me power retrieval and soul retieval and extraction many thanks, when do I start earning, oh when am I a shaman with a certificate to say so.  Thankfully on Sandra's Core shamanism there are no cetificates. Again the tools will be given to a person its up to them to have a look within, and do their work.  So on through the comments and it does get despairing mainly on how we in the west are not shamans, (rightly so we are in truth not shamans) not anything but fakers and takers really, in truth and full honesty I can relate to this opinion, I have been taken for a ride totally by those I have helped many who profess sincerely to be skint, give them a free shamanic session or ten, or for the whole family, only to hear what a wonderful holiday they had in some exotic place, yet I have not afforded a holiday even in Scotland.  Or they turn up at a shamanic course you are also on and wanted the funds to pay for, and sit beside you hoping you will again give them more freebies, ahhhh don't we just love the materialistic western mind set.  I hear what people are saying when they say they have been left really ill, lost and alone, all their spiritual shamanic buddies have suddenly disappeared looking for the next free sessions from someone who hasn't yet learned the lesson of self worth. Or your fellow shamanic practitioners that  say 'yes thats great book a session with me for £££ and all will be well.'  I began to dilike shamanic groups who would when ever someone was down, sad, lonely, lost or seriuosly ill, that almost monotonously robot like said " I will see you in your divine light" only to not bother once the words were written.   So with a deep breath and a sigh I think maybe its time to do something else for my spiritual path.  As I sit back and think about that, I don't have to think too deeply, so Spiritualism and mediumship, oh god lord no thank you the ego's and back stabbing.  Buddhism, lordy lord no thanks again, the ego's and the back stabbing, and add into that the dogma and " its your karma" thank you not for me in this lifetime.  Church well mmmmmm what would my granny have said about that, better not temp her visits from spirit. Wiccan, tried it they all hated men, so I come back around full circle if you like to shamanism and the fakers and takers along with the big ego's of I am the SHAMAN/priestess, magician/medium sage on and on so it goes.  So really where does that leave us here in the West.  In truth to me we can only do the best we can do, have a good look at our stuff try and be better people, look at the materalistic side especially, start to respect our selves, respect the Earth and research our chosen subject.  So I can now say I will be happiliy away to do my meditation, that was given to me from the Nepalese shaman I have the absolute honour of working with.  I thank the day he contacted me and started chatting, and I see that when the student is ready the teacher will show up, so I have my spiritual path of Nepalese Shamanism and I have my work to do.  Core shamanism can be and is a starting point for many many many people all over the world. So in earnest with integrity and sincerity I will do my best to state what real shamanism is in my teachings of core shamanism and ask for my ignorance and unknowing to be excused, you can say to me that is false, but come from a nice place, you don't have to throw psychic daggers along with it. Many thanks for reading.  May you walk in beauty and have a peaceful magical day. www.bluebird-dreamweaver.co.uk
NURTURING THE SOULFUL SELF.
It's been a busy few weeks, of training and teaching and being entertained.  I have met so many powerfilled beautiful women these last few weeks, and embraced their teachings.  Not to exclude men as I don't think that is appropriate, as they have in truth also been beaten down by our patriachail society.  In truth one of the many insights i have had over the last month is how certain family patterns have started with my maternal grandfather, who in truth I never knew personally.  He has always to me remained the guilty party to the chain of domestic abuse the family has been through.  Yet a few years back something shifted within on the inner tuition and I was led along to look at his PTSD behaviour from being in two world wars.  In fairness he probably never recovered from the first one let alone the second one, no wonder he drank and became abusive; in turn creating an abuse pattern for us to be healed.  I truly hope I am honouring the self healing of the family line via my own self healing, as always 7 generations backwards and 7 generations forwards.
So the first course i was on at the end of last month was bloody amazing for dealing with our inner grief, wounds and shame.  All this stuff we often deny or plain don't know that it even exists.  A beautiful heart filled soul nourishing lady of celtic descent led us through our paces and sang us home.  A true honour sadly for me she is no longer teaching, and  I  do love the subject of death and dying.  I met so many amazing people men and women who all embraced the deep inner wisdom of these teachings that were shared, who laid themselves open with courage, to honour themselves.
So a weekend with the grandchildren and on to my next amazing women who had a fabulous meditation in Glasgow we embraced our spiritual sides to heal our 12 strands of DNA, then we had a fun filled lunch of belly hurting laughs, what a true joy.  Then back to the first amazing woman who was singing in concert out in Govan, there she was singing heart lullabyes of true depth and many of us gathered had tears in our eyes as we were moved by the powerfilled words of her songs.  Meanwhile and very surreal where past meets the future or the real understanding that there is no such thing as time, a wedding celebration was taking place upstairs and I could hear the guitar thrumming of my once most favorite artist the lengendary David Bowie, singing Gene Genie.
I then went for coffee, well hot water in my case, with my friend and her husband and another friend who had been on the celtic death and dying course too.  We were very entertained by my friends husband who once upon a time was a stand up comedian, he had us laughing with story about a couple on a train who were so drunk the train had to be stooped whilst the police were called, to shifty them on.  
My following weekend led me into Behind the Masks where I was explaining how we merge shamanically.  Some more great music as we danced in our power animals and, ever delightful for me I was showing how I merge with a few of my guides, and to be witness to the difference in their energy.  This is a weekend course on the shamanic practitioner training, I was guided to write whilst going through food coaching sessions for bulimia, and comfort eating.  Sadly for me I'm still carrying the weight I wish to shed once and for all and keep it off.
Part of this discovery is that I am probably holding trauma within my body that I do not want to let go off, more likely do not want to know what trauma was created to encourage me to hold my body to storing all this extra padding of protection.  Sometimes, most times we do not need to know, we just need to let it go.  So I met up with another group of amazing women who worked as professionals with massage, psychotherapy and body work.  To learn a little about how trauma is stored in the body.  Also to experience how to move the body to release the trauma and let the story go.  Absolutly perfect, I do not need to witness the story again and again and again.  Just let it be and let it go.  So very happy days of releasing the stored story.  I am happy to say i have come a good distance from my sweatlodge day where I had a meltdown of fear and where I fisrt discovered you do not have to have been in the military to have PTSD, life and famillies can do that to us.  In truth I now laugh at this day especially the patronising people who came out of the sweat 4 hours latter and patted me on the head with words of condescending sympathies, "Poor you, I would have not liked to have been in your shoe"  "Must be such a shame to have missed the sweat" "You only lasted 15 mins, oh poor you"  "Poor you are you ok?" Hahaha guess they didn't hear the Native American Indian man leading the sweatlodges words to me, he popped his head out at the end of the second round prior to the third round to tell me to keep take it easy I had done a massive amount of work, more than everyone still in the lodge. Hhahaaha still makes me smile that.
I am also delighted to have Hollow Bone work coming up in which I'm hoping to deliver  the goodies on altar building, omen walks, and having fun.  All this before I then go and finally after many years re examine the Munay Ki rites I recieved a fair few years back.  I was going to learn how to transmit these last year and I pulled out one because I was so ill I was constantly exhausted, and two because so many people in western mind were disrespecting this gift from the Quero of Peru.  People in true typical western grred style were over charging for these rites, not doing the required work and in full being greedy and disrespectful, and I wanted no part of it.  So I will again meet with the amazing woman and review the rites and learn this time how to transfer them.  I trust I will do so with the heart intention of humility.  So although it has been a while since I blogged this is what I have been up too.  As always many thanks for your time and reading this.  Many blessings of love peace and laughter.
THE EQUINOX SHIFT  - Has it gone yet.
Well the spring equinox energy has been around for a while now, I was breezing it coming up to and on Equinox, yet the after effects have caught up with me.  Emotions are raw,  they were stuck in my throat the other day when I heard of a young girl being taken away from her mum after her mum had assulted her on mothers day because she was drunk.  I stood with tears in my eyes a huge lump in my throat and mouth quivering.  I'm always saddened to hear of children being harmed.  Even if it is their Karma to sort out. 
Then the emotions swing the other end of the pendulum and I want to go and shout in parliment and  tie myself to the gates as shout at the top of my lungs "You stupid bas**** cut down more trees, and ever more pillage the Earth for what ever she may have left, to wanting to concrete over ancient sites or plain place the motorway right beside  them.  Look at the f***ing oceans."  I can feel myself becoming bogged down and drowning in the stupidity of humankind and its pointless, mindless drive to destruction.  Lost and alone as everyone stares at their phone screens.  Angry at the ignorance of the local council just coming along and pulling up peoples trampolines and removing their washing lines without forewarning or asking permission, since when would anyone be alowed to do that to council property? The rage is rising like the tide pf plastic our fish are swallowing, the poison of the rivers from pollution and for what?  Oh lordy calm down dear.  A quick switch off of the trigger button to lets do a mantra for compasion change the rage energy.  I am indeed responsible for the energy I put out into the atmophere too. Like a big black cloud of toxic energy I can see spewing into the sky from Grangemouth.  I feel positively schizophrenic, (please don't tell my Doc I'm having another episode.) I sit in the laughing buddha bellied lotus position, and breathe Om Mani padme om.  I smile again as I watch the Crow who found a piece of bread sitting in the tree, I thank the tree for the air I breathe.  The sun shining on my face is warm and welcome, yet so are my thermals as the wind chill factor is freezing.
 
I feel vulnerable in the intensity of my emotions, the swinging of the pendulm to find balance in harmony eventually, maybe and maybe only briefly.  I am going to follow them today and allow this vulnerability to shine through.  Honour myself fully as the sadness and rage intermingle with the energy on the planet at the moment.  I read somewhere recently that the energy around feels like that of a battered woman, not the Earth herself just the energy that is about,  I understand that statement today.  Collectively these energies are passing through me, you, and everyone and I process them along with the laughter I had 2 minutes later as the school kids from about 4 or 5 classes  the funny faces they were making at each other to the silly walks all laughing and jovial going on their walk around the town, happy and free.  All to quickly we always want the none plesant emotions to move on. All to quickly we want to blame others for our emotions. Just for today I will surrender to this process and learn a little more depth of myself.  Live laugh cry and then dance and shake it off.  Its all part of being human so I'm told, but I'm an alien I whisper to myself.

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